Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone's topics - tribe.net

THE LEVER

Cereal — Fri, 14 May 2004 18:18:17 GMT

I just want to say that the "Walker, Texas Ranger" lever is the best thing ever.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 18 replies

Favorite Character.

Paul — Sun, 07 Mar 2004 09:44:58 GMT

My fav is Pimpbot 5000 "Hello Conan Lookin Fine"
and i like the masturbating bear.
What is your favorite Conan Character?

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 31 replies

David Letterman on Conan O´Brien

Fidel — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 18:49:12 GMT

am looking for this interview that happened that first year.....i know there is one where Conan goes Letterman but i think David was on Conan as well ...i saw it in a retrospect show they did a while ago...very funny....in the interview Conan joked: when i got this job everyone and replaced you everyone was like "who do you think you are" and i was like "mom please".....jajajaja uber funny

if anyone could post this video here or on youtube id apreciate it...ive been wanting to see this again for ages

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 0 replies

Will Conan still be silly and funny?

lollicupgirl — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 19:51:10 GMT

Conan Prepares to Take Over Tonight Show
Apr 28, 3:00 PM EST

The Associated Press

He's still two years away from replacing Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show," but already Conan O'Brien seems to be sizing things up.

"Have you planned any changes while ... you were looking?" Leno asked when O'Brien dropped by the late-night talk show Friday.

O'Brien reassured Leno, the show's host since 1992, that he won't be moving onto its Burbank set any time soon.

"It's years away," O'Brien quipped, adding that rather than succeed Leno in 2009 as planned, he's decided to take the job Rosie O'Donnell is leaving on daytime television's "The View."

"I got the call this morning from Barbara Walters," he said, adding he planned to pick up where O'Donnell leaves off and begin picking on Donald Trump.

Leno joked that the redheaded O'Brien has "got the hair" for the part, although "it's going the wrong way" to really match Trump's elaborate comb-over.

"Exactly," said O'Brien, who has hosted "Late Night" since 1993.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 0 replies

Uncle Conesy in SF

Colonel — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 02:47:22 GMT

Who's going?

I emailed NBC about a month ago and they just got back to me today. I got 2 tickets for Thursday, May 3rd.

w00t w00t!

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 0 replies

A reason to watch Talledega Nights

Les — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 05:18:08 GMT

Andy Richter plays a bit part as the gay lover of Will Ferrell's nemesis in the movie. He trains dogs and sports a grizzly beard.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 1 reply

Was Harrison Ford on something?

Colonel — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 18:28:03 GMT

Did anyone see this interview last night? The subject matter and what he said was weird enough, but he kept massaging the armrests compulsively, like he was on excstacy. And it was cut all weird for the broadcast out here on the west coast, with what looked like a lot of stuff missing. And right when they were talking about HF doing fight scenes with good looking men half his age ang getting aroused, an ad for Brokeback Mountain (of all things) interrupts them for a few seconds then it goes instantly back to the still-in-progress interview. Strange.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 3 replies

conan in finland? anyone?

Denea' — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 07:37:36 GMT

I royally fucked up and didn't tape the episode that showed all the fun things conan did in finland. PLEASE help me. I could tape something for you or burn something in return (not your couch or anything).

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 1 reply

conan in chicago

acoustichrmny — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 16:19:48 GMT

get tickets at the nbc.com website.

2 per person, randomly selected.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 5 replies

conan meets his finnish twin

stephanie_phillyjawn — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 15:26:35 GMT

http://www.forbes.com/home/feeds/ap/2006/02/14/ap2525935.html

Conan O'Brien finally met his match.

The "Late Night" jokester, who ran a mock ad campaign endorsing the re-election of Finnish President Tarja Halonen - because of her strong resemblance to him, red hair and all - had a face-to-similar-face meeting with her Tuesday at the presidential palace in downtown Helsinki.

O'Brien handed the Nordic country's first female president a box of chocolates in the shape of a red heart as they posed for photographers before their 15-minute meeting. Halonen gave him Finnish troll dolls to take home.

Last year, O'Brien caused a political stir when, based on their resemblance, he endorsed the 62-year-old Halonen for a second six-year term - which she won last month. His mock ads not only backed Halonen but also attacked her opponents.

O'Brien, who had earlier jokingly demanded a six-hour audience, said he wasn't disappointed.

"Someone like me knows he's lucky to get 15 minutes," O'Brien said, adding that the meeting was "very, very nice."

"It's not every day I get to meet the president of a country," O'Brien said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press.

On his arrival Saturday, O'Brien quipped that he expected to be rewarded for endorsing Halonen with a Cabinet position as inspector of saunas, "mostly women's saunas," but the issue was not discussed in the meeting.

"I was hoping very much to get a Cabinet position because I very much need the money, but she has invited me to come and visit her with my family," O'Brien said.

On Saturday, some 2,000 fans waited hours in subfreezing temperatures to catch a glimpse of the quirky, self-deprecating TV host, whose show is unusually popular in this taciturn nation of 5 million on the northern fringe of Europe.

Finns are very aware of their image abroad, and when O'Brien poked fun at the small country, he was overwhelmed by cards and mail. Finns started appearing in the New York audience of his NBC show.

The program airs on a Finnish cable channel, with a few days delay, and every time he mentions Finland or Halonen, local media report it prominently.

The president's spokeswoman said Halonen had wanted to thank O'Brien for making Finland better known, and the two had agreed they "might, indeed, resemble each other."

"When O'Brien said he looked more like his mother than his father, the president sent her greetings," spokeswoman Maria Romantschuk said.

"I think she (Halonen) was pleased and quite relieved to hear that," O'Brien said.

O'Brien said his wife was not too happy about his Valentine's Day meeting with Tarja, calling her by her first name as many Finns do.

"She was so jealous, she said she would spend her Valentine's Day with President Bush," he quipped.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 2 replies

Conan O'Brien Versus.....

Stonecutter Steve — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 17:58:21 GMT

CHUCK NORRIS!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/?v=WYbvbOnU7x0

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 1 reply

Chuck Norris

thepetty — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 00:15:04 GMT

1) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that
his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia
Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

2) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

3) Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people
anyway.

4) Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris
instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly
thereafter he
grew a beard.

5) When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not
die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face.
He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and
buffalo meat on
his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

6) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and
took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker
every second
Wednesday of the month.

7) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to
stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets
with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.

8) A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is
"Charles". Chuck
Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

9) Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck
could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted,
"HOW DARE
YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her
throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he
bellowed, "Don't
fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized
the irony
of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a
hundred mile
radius of the blast went deaf.

10) Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a
canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

11) To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck
Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by
flexing for
30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

12) Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus
the gift
of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other
Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three
died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.

13) Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at
her and
saying "booya".

14) The original theme song to the Transformers was actually
"Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in
disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This
was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

15) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

16) Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling, "Bang!"

17) Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

18) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

19) After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the
atomic bomb
on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck
Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".

20) Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to
roundhouse
every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and
shit on their
floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

21) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and
Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

22) Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that
shows clips
from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it
show
clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

23) If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't
see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

24) One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the
fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact
tea-bagged
to death by Chuck Norris.

25) When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say
please."

26) Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell
take yours.
If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already
lost my
virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

27) Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't
give him
exact change.

28) Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

29) Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate
classes, just
so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

30) Chuck Norris once pulled a bus full of school children
teetering
over the edge of a cliff back onto the road with his bare
hands, saving
everybody inside. Even as they cheered, he screamed, "I'm not your
savior!" and headbutted the bus over the edge, sending them
all to their
horrible doom.

31)chuck norris is a kind and gentle man and does not deserve
to have his name slandered on this website.and he invented the
cotton gin.

32). Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face.
The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

33). Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung
like Chuck Norris

34). Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

35). Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He
spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

36). When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because
he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

37). When the population reaches 8 billion, the UN will call
for "Operation: C. Norris," allowing Chuck Norris to have his
way with the human race.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 0 replies

Andy Richter Controls the Universe

Les — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 15:32:56 GMT

Was anybody a fan of this show, and will it ever come out on DVD?

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 1 reply

TV in the year 2000

Colonel — Thu, 26 May 2005 03:00:10 GMT

Article about the future of TV by Him.
I laughed out loud more than once.
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/7935916/site/newsweek/

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 3 replies

da da da da da da da....

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 15:31:05 GMT

were the slipnuts, slipping on nuts, clowning around, and slipping on nuts,
were the slipnuts, slipping on nuts, look he fell down....

I slipt on some nuts!!!! lol

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 0 replies

triumph

acoustichrmny — Mon, 14 Feb 2005 01:13:57 GMT

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/13/magazine/13QUESTIONS.html?pagewanted=print&position=
---
QUESTIONS FOR TRIUMPH, THE INSULT COMIC DOG
Funny Bones
Interview by DEBORAH SOLOMON

Tell me, Triumph, are you excited that your CD, ''Come Poop With Me,'' has been nominated for a Grammy Award, in the category Best Comedy Album?

It's all a big sham. Remember, the voters are from the music industry.

Are you suggesting that the voters never actually bother to listen to the CD's they recommend for awards?

Believe me, if the voters had bothered to listen to my CD, it would never have been nominated. My CD is disgusting, degrading filth, and I'm offended to be included.

Indeed, that may explain why the producers of the Grammys declined to make you a presenter, despite repeated requests from your record company.

It's disgraceful. It's continuing fallout from last year's Super Bowl halftime show. Why do I have to pay for Janet Jackson? I should be up on that stage. Everyone knows it.

The Grammy judges are notorious for bad choices, so you might actually win.

In that case it will be the first Grammy to ever go to an album with a song dedicated to roundworm.

I see your album is up against one by Al Franken, as well as another by Jon Stewart.

Forces to be reckoned with, yes? They sure took down the president. And Franken's liberal radio is really taking off. I own a conch shell with more listeners.

With your Catskills-style schtick and your Russian-accented English, I must ask: Are you Jewish?.

Like Madonna, I'll become Jewish when I need the publicity.

What breed of dog are you, other than an inordinately vulgar one?

I'm a toy Rottweiler.

Why is it that you never mention the man who created you, the comedy writer Robert Smigel? Are you afraid to share the spotlight with him?

No questions about the nerd.

Many people know you from Conan O'Brien's show, and I trust you enjoy your frequent guest appearances.

It's O.K. I get to insult all sorts of talented people, and also John Tesh.

Are you referring to Tesh the man or Tesh the New Age musician?

Yes.

I realize your full name is Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, but your obsessive disparaging of celebrities is unbelievably boring. Do you ever think about anything else?

You're trying to turn this interview into something serious. I'm just a two-dimensional character.

It's not too late to strive for depth. In the old days, puppets were far more sympathetic than you are. What about Howdy Doody? He was such a lovable marionette.

That guy was sick. He used to hire girls to tie him up with those strings.

This happens to be an excellent age for puppets, what with ''Avenue Q'' winning a Tony for Best Musical. Don't you agree that puppets are flourishing?

Sure, just look at the president -- wait, I've got Al Franken's jokes here by mistake.

What do you think of Miss Beazley, the Scottish terrier that the president just gave his wife for her birthday?

I really can't pass judgment on Miss Beazley. I've barely smelled her.

Some people say dogs are what Democrats profess to be, because they are so inclusive and welcoming of people regardless of social class. What do you think?

You're not going to get me, liberal media, but I do grasp the concept. Like a lot of Democrats, we dogs can remain loyal for reasons we can no longer understand.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 0 replies

Havard Commencement Speech

Stonecutter Steve — Fri, 07 Jan 2005 22:34:19 GMT

Commencement Speech to the Havard Class of 2000
by Conan O'Brien
I'd like to thank the Class Marshals for inviting me here today. The last time I was invited to Harvard it cost me $110,000, so you'll forgive me if I'm a bit suspicious. I'd like to announce up front that I have one goal this afternoon: to be half as funny as tomorrow's Commencement Speaker, Moral Philosopher and Economist, Amartya Sen. Must get more laughs than seminal wage/price theoretician.

Students of the Harvard Class of 2000, fifteen years ago I sat where you sit now and I thought exactly what you are now thinking: What's going to happen to me? Will I find my place in the world? Am I really graduating a virgin? I still have 24 hours and my roommate's Mom is hot. I swear she was checking me out. Being here today is very special for me. I miss this place. I especially miss Harvard Square - it's so unique. No where else in the world will you find a man with a turban wearing a Red Sox jacket and working in a lesbian bookstore. Hey, I'm just glad my dad's working.

It's particularly sweet for me to be here today because when I graduated, I wanted very badly to be a Class Day Speaker. Unfortunately, my speech was rejected. So, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to read a portion of that speech from fifteen years ago: "Fellow students, as we sit here today listening to that classic Ah-ha tune which will definitely stand the test of time, I would like to make several predictions about what the future will hold: "I believe that one day a simple Governor from a small Southern state will rise to the highest office in the land. He will lack political skill, but will lead on the sheer strength of his moral authority." "I believe that Justice will prevail and, one day, the Berlin Wall will crumble, uniting East and West Berlin forever under Communist rule." "I believe that one day, a high speed network of interconnected computers will spring up world-wide, so enriching people that they will lose their interest in idle chit chat and pornography." "And finally, I believe that one day I will have a television show on a major network, seen by millions of people a night, which I will use to re-enact crimes and help catch at-large criminals." And then there's some stuff about the death of Wall Street which I don't think we need to get into....

The point is that, although you see me as a celebrity, a member of the cultural elite, a kind of demigod, I was actually a student here once much like you. I came here in the fall of 1981 and lived in Holworthy. I was, without exaggeration, the ugliest picture in the Freshman Face book. When Harvard asked me for a picture the previous summer, I thought it was just for their records, so I literally jogged in the August heat to a passport photo office and sat for a morgue photo. To make matters worse, when the Face Book came out they put my picture next to Catherine Oxenberg, a stunning blonde actress who was accepted to the class of '85 but decided to defer admission so she could join the cast of "Dynasty." My photo would have looked bad on any page, but next to Catherine Oxenberg, I looked like a mackerel that had been in a car accident. You see, in those days I was six feet four inches tall and I weighed 150 pounds. Recently, I had some structural engineers run those numbers into a computer model and, according to the computer, I collapsed in 1987, killing hundreds in Taiwan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After freshman year I moved to Mather House. Mather House, incidentally, was designed by the same firm that built Hitler's bunker. In fact, if Hitler had conducted the war from Mather House, he'd have shot himself a year earlier. 1985 seems like a long time ago now. When I had my Class Day, you students would have been seven years old. Seven years old. Do you know what that means? Back then I could have beaten any of you in a fight. And I mean bad. It would be no contest. If any one here has a time machine, seriously, let's get it on, I will whip your seven year old butt. When I was here, they sold diapers at the Coop that said "Harvard Class of 2000." At the time, it was kind of a joke, but now I realize you wore those diapers. How embarrassing for you. A lot has happened in fifteen years. When you think about it, we come from completely different worlds. When I graduated, we watched movies starring Tom Cruise and listened to music by Madonna. I come from a time when we huddled around our TV sets and watched "The Cosby Show" on NBC, never imagining that there would one day be a show called "Cosby" on CBS. In 1985 we drove cars with driver's side airbags, but if you told us that one day there'd be passenger side airbags, we'd have burned you for witchcraft.

But of course, I think there is some common ground between us. I remember well the great uncertainty of this day. Many of you are justifiably nervous about leaving the safe, comfortable world of Harvard Yard and hurling yourself headlong into the cold, harsh world of Harvard Grad School, a plum job at your father's firm, or a year abroad with a gold Amex card and then a plum job in your father's firm. But let me assure you that the knowledge you've gained here at Harvard is a precious gift that will never leave you. Take it from me, your education is yours to keep forever. Why, many of you have read the Merchant of Florence, and that will inspire you when you travel to the island of Spain. Your knowledge of that problem they had with those people in Russia, or that guy in South America-you know, that guy-will enrich you for the rest of your life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is also sadness today, a feeling of loss that you're leaving Harvard forever. Well, let me assure you that you never really leave Harvard. The Harvard Fundraising Committee will be on your ass until the day you die. Right now, a member of the Alumni Association is at the Mt. Auburn Cemetery shaking down the corpse of Henry Adams. They heard he had a brass toe ring and they aims to get it. Imagine: These people just raised 2.5 billion dollars and they only got through the B's in the alumni directory. Here's how it works. Your phone rings, usually after a big meal when you're tired and most vulnerable. A voice asks you for money. Knowing they just raised 2.5 billion dollars you ask, "What do you need it for?" Then there's a long pause and the voice on the other end of the line says, "We don't need it, we just want it." It's chilling.

What else can you expect? Let me see, by your applause, who here wrote a thesis. (APPLAUSE) A lot of hard work, a lot of your blood went into that thesis... and no one is ever going to care. I wrote a thesis: Literary Progeria in the works of Flannery O'Connor and William Faulkner. Let's just say that, during my discussions with Pauly Shore, it doesn't come up much. For three years after graduation I kept my thesis in the glove compartment of my car so I could show it to a policeman in case I was pulled over. (ACT OUT) License, registration, cultural exploration of the Man Child in the Sound and the Fury...

So what can you expect out there in the real world? Let me tell you. As you leave these gates and re-enter society, one thing is certain: Everyone out there is going to hate you. Never tell anyone in a roadside diner that you went to Harvard. In most situations the correct response to where did you to school is, "School? Why, I never had much in the way of book larnin' and such." Then, get in your BMW and get the hell out of there.

You see, you're in for a lifetime of "And you went to Harvard?" Accidentally give the wrong amount of change in a transaction and it's, "And you went to Harvard?" Ask the guy at the hardware store how these jumper cables work and hear, "And you went to Harvard?" Forget just once that your underwear goes inside your pants and it's "and you went to Harvard." Get your head stuck in your niece's dollhouse because you wanted to see what it was like to be a giant and it's "Uncle Conan, you went to Harvard!?"

But to really know what's in store for you after Harvard, I have to tell you what happened to me after graduation. I'm going to tell you my story because, first of all, my perspective may give many of you hope, and, secondly, it's an amazing rush to stand in front of six thousand people and talk about yourself.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After graduating in May, I moved to Los Angeles and got a three week contract at a small cable show. I got a $380 a month apartment and bought a 1977 Isuzu Opel, a car Isuzu only manufactured for a year because they found out that, technically, it's not a car. Here's a quick tip, graduates: no four cylinder vehicle should have a racing stripe. I worked at that show for over a year, feeling pretty good about myself, when one day they told me they were letting me go. I was fired and, I hadn't saved a lot of money. I tried to get another job in television but I couldn't find one.

So, with nowhere else to turn, I went to a temp agency and filled out a questionnaire. I made damn sure they knew I had been to Harvard and that I expected the very best treatment. And so, the next day, I was sent to the Santa Monica branch of Wilson's House of Suede and Leather. When you have a Harvard degree and you're working at Wilson's House of Suede and Leather, you are haunted by the ghostly images of your classmates who chose Graduate School. You see their faces everywhere: in coffee cups, in fish tanks, and they're always laughing at you as you stack suede shirts no man, in good conscience, would ever wear. I tried a lot of things during this period: acting in corporate infomercials, serving drinks in a non-equity theatre, I even took a job entertaining at a seven year olds' birthday party. In desperate need of work, I put together some sketches and scored a job at the fledgling Fox Network as a writer and performer for a new show called "The Wilton North Report." I was finally on a network and really excited. The producer told me the show was going to revolutionize television. And, in a way, it did. The show was so hated and did so badly that when, four weeks later, news of its cancellation was announced to the Fox affiliates, they burst into applause.

Eventually, though, I got a huge break. I had submitted, along with my writing partner, a batch of sketches to Saturday Night Live and, after a year and a half, they read it and gave us a two week tryout. The two weeks turned into two seasons and I felt successful. Successful enough to write a TV pilot for an original sitcom and, when the network decided to make it, I left Saturday Night Live. This TV show was going to be groundbreaking. It was going to resurrect the career of TV's Batman, Adam West. It was going to be a comedy without a laugh track or a studio audience. It was going to change all the rules. And here's what happened: When the pilot aired it was the second lowest-rated television show of all time. It's tied with a test pattern they show in Nova Scotia.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I was 28 and, once again, I had no job. I had good writing credits in New York, but I was filled with disappointment and didn't know what to do next. I started smelling suede on my fingertips. And that's when The Simpsons saved me. I got a job there and started writing episodes about Springfield getting a Monorail and Homer going to College. I was finally putting my Harvard education to good use, writing dialogue for a man who's so stupid that in one episode he forgot to make his own heart beat. Life was good.

And then, an insane, inexplicable opportunity came my way . A chance to audition for host of the new Late Night Show. I took the opportunity seriously but, at the same time, I had the relaxed confidence of someone who knew he had no real shot. I couldn't fear losing a great job I had never had. And, I think that attitude made the difference. I'll never forget being in the Simpson's recording basement that morning when the phone rang. It was for me. My car was blocking a fire lane. But a week later I got another call: I got the job.

So, this was undeniably the it: the truly life-altering break I had always dreamed of. And, I went to work. I gathered all my funny friends and poured all my years of comedy experience into building that show over the summer, gathering the talent and figuring out the sensibility. We debuted on September 13, 1993 and I was happy with our effort. I felt like I had seized the moment and put my very best foot forward. And this is what the most respected and widely read television critic, Tom Shales, wrote in the Washington Post: "O'Brien is a living collage of annoying nervous habits. He giggles and titters, jiggles about and fiddles with his cuffs. He had dark, beady little eyes like a rabbit. He's one of the whitest white men ever. O'Brien is a switch on the guest who won't leave: he's the host who should never have come. Let the Late show with Conan O'Brien become the late, Late Show and may the host return to Conan O'Blivion whence he came." There's more but it gets kind of mean.

Needless to say, I took a lot of criticism, some of it deserved, some of it excessive. And it hurt like you wouldn't believe. But I'm telling you all this for a reason. I've had a lot of success and I've had a lot of failure. I've looked good and I've looked bad. I've been praised and I've been criticized. But my mistakes have been necessary. Except for Wilson's House of Suede and Leather. That was just stupid.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've dwelled on my failures today because, as graduates of Harvard, your biggest liability is your need to succeed. Your need to always find yourself on the sweet side of the bell curve. Because success is a lot like a bright, white tuxedo. You feel terrific when you get it, but then you're desperately afraid of getting it dirty, of spoiling it in any way.

I left the cocoon of Harvard, I left the cocoon of Saturday Night Live, I left the cocoon of The Simpsons. And each time it was bruising and tumultuous. And yet, every failure was freeing, and today I'm as nostalgic for the bad as I am for the good.

So, that's what I wish for all of you: the bad as well as the good. Fall down, make a mess, break something occasionally. And remember that the story is never over. If it's all right, I'd like to read a little something from just this year: "Somehow, Conan O'Brien has transformed himself into the brightest star in the Late Night firmament. His comedy is the gold standard and Conan himself is not only the quickest and most inventive wit of his generation, but quite possible the greatest host ever."

Ladies and Gentlemen, Class of 2000, I wrote that this morning, as proof that, when all else fails, there's always delusion.

I'll go now, to make bigger mistakes and to embarrass this fine institution even more. But let me leave you with one last thought: If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

Thank you.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 0 replies

last night episode

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 23:28:56 GMT

i think it was a repeat but, dianne sawyer was really "out there" and the other guy was kinda insulting conan i thought

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 0 replies

Thinking of Max

Colonel — Fri, 12 Nov 2004 02:24:16 GMT

Max is still out with a broken collar bone, let's all send him get well vibes...

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 0 replies

conan to take over for leno in 2009

tribeisprettygay — Mon, 27 Sep 2004 20:08:16 GMT

according to drudge, conan will take over the tonight show in 2009.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 6 replies

he's a whore

dariusmaximus — Thu, 12 Aug 2004 04:53:49 GMT

he said it
he said somethig that not enough people say on tv. he called himself a whore while promoting his 10th anniversary dvd (i was there. i'm so cool).
ok
high
bye

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 3 replies

Contact Info

Cereal — Tue, 27 Jul 2004 13:08:24 GMT

Does anyone have any contact info for the writers, or anyone on the Late Night staff for that matter?

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 2 replies

July 23rd show

bengarvey — Wed, 21 Jul 2004 19:45:18 GMT

I'm going to see a taping of Conan on July 23rd. They haven't posted who the guests will be yet. Do they do this often? Is it a sign that they may put on a rerun at the last minute? I hope not.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 6 replies

FUCKING HILARIOUS INTERVIEW

dariusmaximus — Thu, 15 Jul 2004 05:20:54 GMT

I hope you folks saw the interview with Borak from the Ali G show. This guy was so cracked out, he almost made Conan cry. Overall, it was a great show tonight. If you missed it, try to catch it on comedy central tomorrow or the day after.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 3 replies

lookalike

El Cono Loco — Thu, 10 Jun 2004 21:13:54 GMT

If Conan O'Brien were a cat, he would look just like me, no?

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 2 replies

i heart conan

Teets Magee aka Lovely Lauren — Thu, 01 Apr 2004 02:53:17 GMT

is it sick that i wake up each morning only to count down the time until i get off work so that i can watch tha show?

it cracks me up and makes me become LaughyLauren!

peace,
~Lauren

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 5 replies

reruns at 12:30e/11:30c

Paul — Tue, 13 Apr 2004 19:29:59 GMT

Has anyone noticed that they have been doing a lot of reruns at the slot when they normally show the new episodes

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 2 replies

tribe plug

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 23:54:54 GMT

comedycentral.tribe.net

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 9 replies

Last night's conan

Paul — Thu, 11 Mar 2004 14:59:20 GMT

The funniest line to me was "If the C-man aint happy the show dont go on"

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 5 replies

To Many Reruns!

UglyBoxer — Tue, 09 Mar 2004 21:14:15 GMT

i know conan just had a daughter.but why all the reruns?here they run jay and conan twice in the same night!conan runs at 12:35-1:35>est then agian at 3am-4am>est.so we see the same reruns twice a night.so i'll try to watch conan on comedy central at 7pm>est.comedy central seem to run only a 24hr behind.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 1 reply

Tan

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 18:51:43 GMT

Ok it is warm and sunny here in Seattle, even Conan could get a tan here today. OMG OMG OMG

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 7 replies

dont forget to invite your friends

Paul — Mon, 08 Mar 2004 22:17:43 GMT

If you know someone who likes conan or think they might dont forget to send them invites to this tribe. Thanks for all of you who have done so.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 5 replies

Your Favorite

joolsmandelbrot — Sun, 07 Mar 2004 08:19:58 GMT

Ok what'll it be?
The Baby Jesus
The Menorah
The Kwanza Menorah

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 4 replies

Conan and Martha

christine — Sat, 06 Mar 2004 08:33:25 GMT

O brien did 2 episodes with Martha, he aired it on his show but hers was all like 3 shows.. The red wig " i apologize if i stir the passions within you Martha"
hahahahah i love him.

posted in Conan Obrien: The Cone Zone - 1 reply